My family..

Hello!

So I'm going to give you a bit of a backstory...let's call myself R. My siblings are N,L,J.

I am a 14 year old, homeschooled student. I live in a good sized town. We moved here because my dad's mother was dying and we wanted to be closer. I was about 10. I absoluetely hated leaving. I left my only friends, my school, basically where I grew up.

When I got here, I had only 4 months left of the school year and I did it with public. Then without having any say. I was homeschooled. I began to fail every single class.

In the fall of I think it was 2013. I cut myself for the first time. I was also for the few months had began restricting, and just over excersising. I never got to where I wanted to be (thin/weight wise) My parents found out I was doing all that and I got a huge lecture. Basically them asking "how could you do this to us? why would you do this to your family? do you understand how selfish this is?" because of guilt I developed BED. (aka Binge eating disorder) and I gained 40 pounds within months.

Fast forward because all that really happened from that point until November 24, 2014, was a whole lot of relaspe cutting and parents fighting.

November 2014, my mom walked out. She has been seeing this other guy from her work and chose him over her four kids and husband of 20 years.

It was at 3am...and everybody thinks I was sleeping...but I wasn't I heard her and my dad talk...and I watched her drive away. From that moment forward I put a sheild up. A pretend happy life.

Life changed from that moment on..my dad is in a wheel chair. So he requires alot of attention.

I began to do all the cooking, cleaning, care taking of my siblings, care taking of my dad, all while trying to be a normal teenager. I tried my best to learn how to do basic make up, hair, how to dress like a girl. BUt NOTHING WORKED. I didn't have an older sibling, my female cousin lowkey hates me, and my aunts are really judgemental. So I had to learn how to change my pad. I had to learn how to be a girl.

Okay, boring stuff..but that's the back story.

I am tired, like I haven't slept since my mom left. I sleep 1-2 hours every two days. I hardly have time to brush my hair.

Every aspect of my life is failing. I am now responsible for the house, it's currently a mess. I am responsible for my siblings and they got to counceling because my dad is afraid they are gonna do drugs ect. I am responsible for my dad and we've had a cancer scare and an accidental drug over-dose scare. ( It was accidental, I was there)

the hospital seems to be my second home now a days...

I am terrified of sleeping because in the past when my dad needed me in the middle of the night I didn't wake up (Extremely heave sleeper) he started to throw stuff and yell..it was terrible. I didn't sleep for a week after that.

Now I can't sleep.

Currently, I am falling back into old habits..and it's scary. But I'm scared if I tell my dad, or the counceler they will put me down. I don't like talking about things, because people have it worse..

This is all probably just shit. But my friend told me about this website..and yeah...so..