Father

I've been repressing telling anyone about this for awhile now. Really because I thought no one would care enough to listen. Plus also even if I did say anything about it then who would help me? How would it change anything? Regardless I do believe its time I get this off of my chest now. I am still unsure as to why im typing this all out now but its worth a shot.


I live in a apartment with my Old Man here in Laughlin, Nevada. I moved away from Tennessee when I graduated high-school a year ago. I've never lived with my dad before. He was never truly a significant part of my childhood. So I figured to try and start up a new future I would move in with my dad and see what this little town had in store for us career wise. Now just a small backstory Laughlin is a small gambling town about a hour and a half away from Las Vegas. So we have quite a few casinos but really this place is meant for old people who dont wanna go to Vegas. With that aside we move down here and get use to the casino life. This is when my Old Man started to pick up his old shitty fucking habit of drinking. Back in Tennessee he was a massive alcoholic. He abused the shit out of my momma when they lived together. He thrown her out of windows and would always make us kids watch every single fucking time he would beat on her. He would always look at me and tell me that this was how you treat a woman. This is how you become a man. My mom then ran away from and took us kids with her. He then started to get clean and get his life back together just so he could see us kids and in the past few years he was awesome. He never drank cept for on days like the fourth of July and memorial day ETC, but they would be about two beers and thats it. We come out here and my old man starts to go gambling. Which is fine you know hes smart and he would go out and drink his occasional few beers. Well 2 beers became 3. 3 became 4 and on and on and on. Now hes coming home with 12 packs after hes already had about 14 other beers. Now this would be all fine if he didnt always get so fucking violent when gets drunk. I mean every goddamn time he got drunk. He wants a fight. This is him when hes beyond the point of not remembering anything. He got so drunk to the point he just looks at me. He squints his eyes and starts growling like hes some sort of fucking mutt. He then points at me and says "You. You are my enemy." I then start to tell him no. Im your son. But he never listened. So instead he gets in my face and starts his usual yelling. Which is all fine till my step mother gets in the way to try and calm him. He hits her. It was then I snapped and for the first time me and my father clashed with each other. I ended up knocking him out with the help of him being highly intoxicated so he passed out quickly. But that broke me. It hurt. I love my dad. Hes family. I never thought of the day that I would actually have to stand up and fight my own father. He ended up waking back up and I told him everything. He then made a promise to cut back on his drinking and to not let this happen again. Well that was a lie. In the past fucking year I've lived with him we have fought in a total of 4 times. Hes promised the same shit and breaks his promise. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I cant fucking handle it anymore. Why do we have to fight all the goddamn time. Why cant he just simply stop fucking drinking. Im tired of beating him down. I have been feeling more and more aggressive with everyone I have come into contact with ever since we have started this goddamn loop and its not fucking right. Im no longer stable anymore guys. Im truly not. Im more cold hearted now than I use to be. I use to care about people. You know I actually cried when I heard about this place. It made me realize the kindness that some people still have. But fucking regardless why does my old man go back on his word. Why is he such a piece of goddamn shit of a motherfucking man to stop. I mean its not that fucking hard is it? Just drop the fucking bottle and quit wanting a fucking fight. It makes no sense to me and I guess it never will to be honest.


I apologize to anyone who reads this. Its something I've held back for quite awhile now.